That Kiss

I have never felt that kiss.
That kiss you see in movies
Where two faces linger in close proximity
Hovering uncertain of the chemical reaction
That comes when trembling lips meet.

My first kiss came with hungry intent
Forceful and probing.
The weight of his body against me
His hands holding down my arms above my head
I could not have been more willing
Or more surprised.

When I kissed my second love
It was full of fumbling and uncertainly
But that was not his lips.
By the time we were face to face
All hesitancy was gone.

The next time my mouth touched fresh lips
He had led me by the hand to his bed
There was no mystery no uncertainty
Of what lay ahead
When our lips met our hands were already
Tearing away the others clothes.

And then that day
Not so long ago
In the bustling cafeteria
His deep blue eyes pulling me in
His golden curls pooling around his face
I wanted so to lean abruptly in
Until our lips collided
Drawn together by inexorable forces
As if I had no say.

Would he have parted his lips
To let my tongue slip gently in?
Would he have pulled back in sharp surprise
Misread and appalled?
For so many reasons the moment passed
Without that spark of contact
And I will never know.